I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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