I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
