I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
