Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
