We're facebook friends in real life
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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