apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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