I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
