No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
