wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
