So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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