Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
