I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
