Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
