Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
