why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
