Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
