so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Holy sore nipples Batman
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
