I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
