I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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