I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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