wakey wakey hands off snakey
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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