I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
