I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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