I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
