After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She tied me up with her honor cords...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
