dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
