woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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