you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
