I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
