I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
