I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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