Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
