these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
