OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
