You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
