dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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