it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
