just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
