I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
