I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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