Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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