She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Drunk is a universal language darling
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
