OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
last night I used snow as a chaser
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
