Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
