I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
