i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
