Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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