I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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