Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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