Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
