i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
