You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
