can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
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