Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
