id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
