He uses pillows to masturbate.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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